“I haven’t had all that many experiences that I could fairly call ‘formative’ – the sort that, in retrospect, could be said to have had a substantial effect on the creation of the modern-day me. Nevertheless, perched atop Abraham Maslow’s celebrated pyramidal hierarchy of needs is ‘self-actualization,’ which is the desire to come to an understanding of one’s unique capacities, deficits and beliefs. Since I am fortunate enough to have my lower-rung needs already fulfilled (clothed, sheltered and hummus to spare), the past few years have meant for me nothing short of an incessant journey as I’ve trod the intimidating, irritating, stultifying path toward finding myself. I’ve unearthed a billion questions and not a single answer.

MEOR arrived not a moment too soon. What MEOR provided me in Israel was a bevy of supportive rabbis who agreed to do my soul-searching for me. First, they rebuked my callous stereotypes. Look—I used to call them penguins; their black-and-white sartorial, I would have contended, was the bleak externalization of their own bipolar moral precepts, at once absolutist and uncompromising while inhumane and atavistic. And certainly not intelligent or logical—how could the rabbis be thus, I would have asked, and yet stay religious? But this is precisely why exposure is effective: the dichromatic daredevils, it was revealed after many an electrifying conversation, are in fact brilliant. More importantly, they are compassionate, engaging, selfless and dedicated to helping us. And so they helped me shatter my prejudices.

Second, the rabbis, in concert with MEOR’s remarkable support staff, helped determined the issues that were gnawing at my conscience. The big questions. Where is God? What is morality? Was there a revelation at Sinai? But, also, the small questions – even the most trifling fathomable curiosity yielded a meaningful discussion in the hands of our esteemed teachers. And when I say ‘meaningful discussion,’ I mean it; the sort of things that you never stop thinking about, that you lose sleep over—happily. (At the end of two weeks with MEOR, you can’t be bothered to feel embarrassed about the bags under your eyes, because everyone else’s are as big or bigger).

Third, MEOR’s leaders taught me that Judaism has excellent answers for many of these burning questions and, fourth, I learned that once we grapple with those answers, once we struggle tirelessly to internalize them, we then learn about ourselves and our values. When we ponder the big questions with big minds, we have no choice but to self-actualize. Simply put, Meor entailed the most productive thinking I have ever done.

I should mention that Meor was also fantastically and indescribably fun. The ‘extracurriculars,’ if you will, exhilarated me – especially my untamed horse, which careened perilously close to a ledge (which was not my fault!) and my unsavory ATV driving, halfway over the ledge, and my fault entirely. I found that the activities served as necessary self-reflection time. Scaling Masada at dawn is good foil for pondering God at dusk. And since the activities, discussions, sleepless nights and inexhaustible days were spent not in isolation but with other fertile and fetterless minds, Meor gave me a set of wonderful friends with whom I’m sure to keep in touch for a long time.

MEOR was absolutely golden and I’ll relish eternally my souvenirs: a billion more questions, to be sure. But also, I do believe, some answers.